Friday, October 4, 2013

Seven Quick Takes: Vol. 6

Linking with Jen at Conversion Diary

You might read this and be like "Holy MOM-POST batman..." But you have been warned. Really, if you just read #3, I'll be satisfied.

ONE:

It's my third, third trimester.  Time for comfy everything. Clothes, hair, food.
I attempted to be the somewhat stylish preggo yesterday with jeans (not yet maternity, but I did make use of a hair-tie), my go-to black flats, a bright t-shirt, black, grey and white floral scarf and grey boyfriend sweater, belted... I resorted to the 10-second messy bun, but it left time for make-up, which I desperately need to hide this pregnancy's skin (blotchy with a side of dark circles). Well, I tell ya...Those jeans came off as soon as I was home.  My legs and belly screamed "sweatpants, you fool!" So that's what I wore the rest of the day.  It might be my uniform for the rest of the pregnancy. 
Through the first 2 pregnancies, I had school. I was surrounded by cute, well-dressed, 20-somethings and felt compelled to put in a little effort, mostly to show that pregnancy doesn't have to look as  terrible as it actually is  sounds. Maybe it was also to maintain a little dignity while being asked by other students about my glamorous housewife life.

TWO:

Joseph has been working late a lot lately, trying to get a house done so that people who have been living with a sister and a buddy since July can live in their dream home.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch, still no cupboard doors, trim or baseboard in the kitchen.  BUT, the basement where the boys will be banished to once the young one comes along is looking considerably better. Paint, bathroom tile... we just need carpet and plumbing and... ugh. Okay. It's better not to list what is still needed.

During all this working late, I've come to appreciate my husband so much more. I just have to remember that he's working hard for US.  He wants us to you know, eat, and be able to pay for the glorious day when our house is finally finished and beautiful without going into massive debt.

THREE:

I'm loving this book:
 
I began reading it about a year ago (I know, I know, so much for MY brain).  But I'm not much for non-fiction, sadly, so I read about 50 non-fictional novels to 1 non-fictional book. 
This book is encouraging. With scientific research to back it up, it basically says that the whole "mommy brain" thing is a myth, and that women are selling themselves short when they become mothers.  Ellison goes into detail about neural development and studies on rats, but there are plenty of anecdotes in there to keep your eyes from glazing over.

I'm really tired of moms (myself included, sometimes) blaming their lateness, forgetfulness, bad driving and social blunders on "mommy brain."

Yes, we are tired. We are sometimes prone to turning off our cognitive abilities just to cope with the monotony of wiping bums and teaching kids not to pick their noses or yell in your face when they want something.  What I'm talking about is when moms do something genuinely inconsiderate like cut someone off in traffic, arrive an hour late to an event, or say something rude and blame it on their "mommy brain".  Like being a mom gives you licence to be an idiot.

Essentially, it's blaming your kids for your own inability to cope. 

I keep telling my three-year-old when he claims that I have "ruined his day," by giving him a time out and making him sad, that I can not ruin his day, and that if he chooses to be sad all day as a result of time-out (which he fully deserved) that it is his choice.  Well, the same goes for mommy brain. My kids have not ruined my brain. I'm a smart woman.  I can find a way to be an intelligent, considerate, joyful being, without blaming my kids when I fall.

We need to be telling ourselves that we're smart because of motherhood, instead of "having kids made me an imbecile."

If this little pep talk didn't inspire you, read this book.

FOUR:

Potty Training:
Did not happen two weeks ago when I said it would.  I failed at patience.  I failed at laundry.  I failed to get enough sleep the night before in order to deal with the first day of taking Carter to the bathroom every 20 minutes.  I gave up in a puddle of pathetic, exhausted, mommy-tears, and decided that I need to wait for a weekend when my husband is home to help me.

Call me weak, but I figure, I've done two kids in diapers before, and I can do it again if I have to. On the plus side, he "gets" #2, so no more of "those" diapers, in the 2 weeks since I tried to train.

FIVE:

I'm going to be late for a nice gathering of new moms and mom's-to-be if I don't get myself dressed and out the door soon.  It'll be a lovely morning of holding babies, taming toddlers and mom-talk.  OH the mom-talk.  I just realized the other day that I've talked about breastfeeding, babywearing and birthing for 4+ years of my life, and it kind of looks like it'll be that way for the next 6-10... Kind of like a conversational jail sentence.

Don't get me wrong, I love this stuff - but it is getting a little monotonous. 10-year plus moms are saints... I know several who have patiently had the same conversation with new moms (including me), and have sent them away encouraged and inspired every time. Thanks for that, veteran moms.  I only hope that I can make new mamas feel as empowered and encouraged as you have made me feel.

SIX:

Me and God:

I actually sat down to pray a rosary during my kids naps the other day.  I have been struggling so much with daily (any) prayer and spiritual well-being.  I went to confession for the first time in six months last week, and I'll tell you... way to unblock serious spiritual constipation. 

There's just something about getting all that gross stuff out and then saying "Okay God, I'm ready to eat again. Nourish me."

I think this might call for an entire post - so I'll save my other musings on it for later. Maybe minus the constipation analogy... or maybe I'll keep it. It does work rather well.

SEVEN:

I'm going to be late if I don't get dressed NOW - but my day is so packed that this just won't happen (for the third week in a row) if I don't post now. I'm sorry for having no stimulating thought to leave you with.  Perhaps this is an exampled of what not to do if  you don't want to commit that mommy-brain faux-pas I was talking about in #3.


4 comments:

  1. Prayer with kids...tough for our toddler to handle. He either laughs like he is a sociopath, smiles benevolently like his is The Chosen One, or participates. It is sometimes the only time I am able to focus on prayer though.

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    1. Wonderful that you pray with your toddler all the same. My attempts at actually praying with the boys have been similar, so right now, their prayer time is limited to grace before meals and bedtime. I feel like it's not a lot, but ANY can only let them know that prayer is normal and good.

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  2. As always Jessica, great article!

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  3. I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW it about the whole mommyhood makes you smarter. Hasta. I should be so smart by now. Woohoo, gonna read the book. Love. PM

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