I'm an at-home mom, who'd like to call herself a writer. I have a degree in communications, have dabbled in journalism, but right now my focus is my happy little home with 4 little boys and hard-working husband. I blog about mommy-life, faith and family, kids who say the darnedest things and random issues of the day.
Life with a newborn. Exhaustion. Confusion. Toddler restlessness.
Yet... we love little Zachary more and more each day.
Sleeping like only a baby can.
This link, from mothering.com. popped up on Facebook this week. The author writes about how many women don't enjoy pregnancy and that (gasp!) they are normal. It was refreshing to read that the reality of pregnancy is sometimes not the lovely over-sentimentalized experience we perceive we're supposed to have.
I'm certain that I am not myself during pregnancy to an extreme. I've witnessed a marked change all 3 times upon becoming pregnant and post-partum. During pregnancy, I feel permanently anxious and like life is a spinning merry-go-round that I can't get off. Joseph has said that it's like being married to two different people... and the better one is not pregnant.
I noticed it again in the recent days since giving birth to Zachary. A familiar calm has set in, despite the fact that I'm getting a ton less sleep and I'm nursing 60% of the day, and my husband went back to work 3 days after the birth, and my other two boys are having some behavior issues in response to the big change. Life is drastically different, but somehow I'm emotionally stable again and feel I'm handling life better than during pregnancy.
I mentioned that Joseph went back to work 3 daysafter Zachary was born.
That was the really unfortunate thing about having Zachary 13 days overdue. Joseph had given employees a start date after giving everyone nearly two weeks off, and it just wasn't going to be good if he wasn't there to give direction.
But despite his having to work - which really goes hand in hand with us having basic things, like food and shelter - Joseph has been a phenomenal Dad, really stepping up to give me little breaks from the big boys, and taking Zachary whenever he isn't nursing (which is rare).
Poor guys. I yelled at them... that's why they look like that.
This just happened. Followed by one of my less-than-graceful moments.
I tried to find out why it was necessary to take nearly all of the baby's neatly folded clothes and do this. Of course no actual reason was given and we all just ended up feeling awful.
Currently the boys are in separate time-out spots while I figure out if it is worth making them re-fold all of the clothes and put them back, which would require me teaching them how and sitting there for half the day till it gets done. I think I have my answer.
I'm at my wits end with this behaviour. I have nothing left in my arsenal of parenting weapons.
I threatened to sell them just now. They seemed a little scared by that, but clearly that's not something I can actually follow up on.
So where I'm at is giving them more stuff to do while I'm tied down nursing, and waiting till the excitement and weirdness of a new baby - which has a lot to do with the sudden appearance of devil-children, I think - dies down.
Wasn't I just saying in number 2 I felt so much calmer after giving birth?
Well if something like that had happened a month ago I'd have screamed till I had no vocal chords and cried for an hour.
I want to talk about my post-partum body:
I look 5 months pregnant. I'm not one of those people whose tummy is like an elastic band. I'm not a skinny woman either. And I am okay with this at 19 days after giving birth.
However, when I went to the store yesterday, with my little 3 week old, I nonetheless got asked how far along I was! By two different people!
Either I ran into the dumbest, most impolite people on the planet, or I just look really terrible.
I'm not going to let total strangers make me feel terrible about myself, especially since it hasn't even been a month since the birth. However, this time I want to actually reclaim some level of flat(ter) tummy and general fitness.
I hate working out and I love fat, salt and sugar.
But it's time. I'm not making a fitness plan right now, but I am acknowledging my need for one. That's a good step right now.
I'm being brave and posting a belly shot.
I'm reading again!
I was a big reader all summer and fall, then I finished Harry Potter, read The Cuckoo's Calling (which I really liked), then I didn't read any book till just after Christmas when Jim Gaffigan's Dad Is Fat came to the library for me after months of waiting. Taking a couple-month break without having a few books on the go has never happened to me - hence my big intro to this take. I thought I'd fallen out with reading, which was really disconcerting. So now I'm reading a G.K. Chesterton's What's Wrong With The World. I've had it (and at least 3 other Chesterton works) kicking around the bookshelves for a couple years and have only ever read excerpts and miscellaneous chapters.
How can I be a true Chesterton fan if I haven't at least read more than 2 of his books (The Man Who Was Thursday and The Everlasting Man) cover to cover? It isn't right. So without further ado, let the intellectual stimulation begin!
I'll leave you with a sweet moment:
They love Zachary so much.
I have to keep reminding myself that my babies won't stay babies for very long. I look at these little guys in their three very different (sometimes infuriating) stages and think about the moments we won't get back.
Maybe it's time to stop wasting time with them.
To take more pictures.
To worry less about the laundry and the dirty floor and more about the snowman in the back yard.
To savour the story times and night feeds with the innocent little eyes looking up at me.
I think this weekend will be a good one if I can do some of these things.