It's grey and rainy this morning, so I called it a "lazy Friday" and decided to let my boys watch TV. Sometimes he (1.5 soon) still falls asleep on me. I often transfer him to his crib then do all the things (especially the ones that his chubby little fingers aren't needed to help with). Today I just let him lay on my lap and enjoyed sitting for 20 minutes, reading and watching the middle two play. I remember the days with just one baby where I would spend an hour sitting with a baby snoozing and let my legs fall asleep, only to have that sweet baby wake up and see his mommy right there, stretch and get ready to play. I felt so useless then but sometimes had the foresight to think that it won't always be this way. Now I'm feeling the "it won't always be this way" more often. Sometimes it's a good feeling, but sometimes, especially in those really good, wholesome, regular moments, I get a sense of nostalgia. I need to take a mental picture (in this case, a real picture) of this moment and store away in my heart, for when I'm old and these kids are busy raising their own little people.
My seven-year-old Patrick looked at me the other day and said, "Mom, I love you, but sometimes my love for you just hides somewhere."
He's really good at articulating his little thoughts. I thought to myself, "I know the feeling." Because sometimes my love hides too. It doesn't go anywhere really, but often it's covered by the frustration of having 4 little people needing all at once, or not having gone to bed early enough to wake up daily before 6 a.m. In the moment, I asked him to come in for a much-needed hug - for both of us, I think.
Following my yearly pattern, I tend to get moody and pensive the week before Holy Week (the week before Easter). Since childhood, I've done something for Lent, and funnily enough, I usually fail a little at it. This year it was to try to stop procrastinating the necessary daily tasks. I don't know why I have this inner need for a ton of stress after school when the kids are at their worst, and if I'm being real, so am I. Yet day after day I was letting the daily chores pile up till after school. Maybe I hoped that by some miracle, I'd leave the house and fairies would come and clean while I was gone. I do tend to be a bit of a delusional dreamer. Anyway, it's been a good Lent, let's put it that way. Thinking about dinner before 5 p.m. is a good discipline to take up.
This really shouldn't be buried here in the middle of the takes, because it's pretty important, but it's Joseph's birthday today. The man is 33! When people turn 33, I always think of this meme:
Last week was spring break, which really was a break. I loathe the school run, which is silly because it's really not far, and takes 15 minutes there and back.It's just such an interruption to the rhythm of the day. It was so freeing to just live with the ebb and flow of the four boys and their play, hunger and tiredness. The other blessing is that it was actually nice weather. Bikes were ridden, soccer balls kicked around, many light saber battles and games of whatever it is the boys imagined in the moment happened.
This post really resonated with me:
Are you raising a future drug addict?
I've been thinking a lot lately about instilling the values of responsibility for our own actions and natural consequences in my kids. I thought it was a very good read.